Going Green

Go green, she said!

It’s good for you, she said!

Detox, detox, detox, she said!

She, my friend Dana, suggested I juice this week.   This all started with a conversation about perimenopause.   Which quickly became a rant about perimenopause.   We shared physicians suggestions….we shared what each one of our physicians passed on to us via paper.    My paper information is known as the Complete Bible of MenopauseSeriously?!

Dr. Notsopersonable, insisted I read this bible back to back.  Learn it.  Read it, over and over again.  When I asked the obvious questions regarding menopause…..Dr. Notsopersonable, gave me the answer I needed…..it’s time to search for another doctor.

Dana’s doctor, Dr. Reallyreallypersonable, gave her enough information, I believe Dana can now be her own OBGYN.

But detox?!

The conversation rant at the pool ended with Dana bullying encouraging me to detox my body this week with her delicious recipes for green juice.  Now, I’ve fasted before.   So going without a meal or two, for a few hours, or a few days will not  do anything drastic to my system.  During those days of fasting…..I’ve also eaten at least one real meal.  Easter candy does count.

Dana writes down the juicing plan.  I no longer have a juicer, [I didn’t juice before this adventure] the juicer actually was our daughters.  It looked great in my kitchen.  Never used.  But she purchased it for smoothies.   The retro design juicer was sold last August before the big move to college.  Never thought of again.  No worries….Dana has a juicer!!   And not just the Bullet…but the king of juicers…the Omega. She will juice Sunday afternoon and drop off two containers to get me through Tuesday evening.

Come Tuesday evening, she will make a fresh batch of wonder juice, and drop it off for me so I may enjoy this until Friday evening.   Dana insisted I don’t drink commercial juices, as they are nasty!       Like Naked brand.  [I’ll tell you later]

I will honestly admit, Dana rocks at making juices.  The juice is smooth, with no aftertaste.  My head didn’t shake with disgust, and my mouth didn’t reject any of the green combinations.    And best of all….it’s a detox.   Great for us women who are enjoying the merry “peri” stages of menopause.  Where your body becomes bloated  and your emotions take on an impersonation of Godzilla.

I’ve always cried at dog food commercials.  Now, I wrap my arms around the TV and try to hug the dog.  Lets hope this detox works on the mental cleansing of this body.

Day #1 was rough.  No, make that challenging.  Actually, King Kong was here.  I never thought about ripping food from anyone’s hand before…..but as I watched a teacher friend of mine slowly eat and enjoy her custard sundae [no name dropping] I almost stuck my hand into the cloud of whipped cream that just floated across layers of chocolate fudge, which laid perfectly upon the rich chocolate custard.     I hope you enjoyed your sundae – Tracie!

By the end of Monday evening, I had my last 8 oz. glass of green juice.   Here’s where the Naked brand of juice comes in.

I ran to Whole Foods for banana’s.  I noticed Naked brand juice, thinking that it would be good to have on hand, just incase I drink Dana’s concoction before she whips up another fresh batch.  She really never mentioned this brand – and it’s the top choice of juicers in two fitness centers who push juices after working out.  [geez, what do I know]

OMYGOSH!  All I can say is Apple described this juice so perfectly when she said it looked like I was drinking swamp water.

And if I didn’t know the difference, it could have been swamp water.  Fermented, disgusting, thick and pulpy, smelly swamp water.  I called Dana to update her on my progress.   She laughed until her sides hurt.   She couldn’t stop thinking about the green pulp attached to my lip.  An hour later…..I was still staring at the swamp water.   I wanted to be detoxed…..so I drank it.

I passed out in my bed beautifully.   From sheer exhaustion.  Not sure if it was due to hunger or the fact that I tired myself out from fighting off whipped cream moments, and having two accountability people.  Dana and Aprel.   As for my husband, he’s so proud.   At what I ask?   At my will-power or because I didn’t destroy the kitchen looking for crumbs.

This marks day #2.

I really enjoy drinking the juice made with parsley, celery, cucumber, jalapeno pepper, cilantro, green apple, mint and lemon.

This morning was busy, I didn’t have time to watch anyone eat real food.   And the temptation to grab a bite of Apple’s bagel before we ran out the door never occurred to me.  The morning juice [gorilla milk] is for taking the place of a meal.  Perfect.  Tummy is full.

It wasn’t until we stopped at Honda to get my tires rotated, that I smelled Starbucks coffee, which I don’t think is wonderful coffee, but today….I could have sucked down the vanilla iced drink.  The young professional sitting across from me held his venti close.  Very close.   King Kong was in the building.

And this evening…..September’s cat kibble was looking mighty yummy.

I’m no quitter.   But as Dana checked in tonight about an hour ago, I told her Saturday morning – this detox ends.

I’ve got places to go over the weekend – food to eat!  And how embarrassing would it be to grab food off of other people’s plates while we dine with family and friends?    She laughed until her sides hurt.   Then she got herself together and said….”we are doing this once a month”.

Stay tuned…..

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3 thoughts on “Going Green

  1. This is hilarious. Just the smile I needed. I juice every morning, but never in place of actual food for the day. Of course I am past menopause so probably think I can do whatever I want. Love the name you gave your doctor. I have so been there. I now have a wonderful midwife to treat my womanly complaints. I know, “midwife”? xo Laura

    Liked by 1 person

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