It has been five years since my mother passed away. During her years in round-the-clock care, my conversations were limited with her. Depending on the day, my visits were either gently telling my mother that I was not there to give her a pedicure. Or take her to get her hair styled. My mother always had beautiful manicured nails and her hair was never messy. Unlike my mother – my hair is messy.
There were visits she would know exactly who I was. My kids. My husband. But the majority of the time we were employees of the safe haven that was now her home. Dementia was taking over her mind as Parkinson’s disease took over her frail body. Recently I drove up to visit my father. His home still feels as if my mother should walk out of the bathroom smelling of Clinic perfume. And there are moments where I can smell her. I hear her voice. And I feel her hugs.
As a new mother – there is nothing like having your mother around to give support and her own motherly suggestions. My oldest were in high school and my youngest was in Kindergarten when my mother passed away. I think I had the mothering thing down pretty well. But no doubt I would have been on the phone with her asking if one of the teens could be sent to Pennsylvania! [insert a laugh] I would have asked for her advice on career (change) decisions and what to do with my messy hair.
I don’t have her to call or to ask what to do with my messy hair. But I have a lot of suggestions and advice. I have her experience and her motherly insight. After all – she raised me. I know her discipline and her facial expressions. All of them! My mother gave me the best tools that I could possibly ask for in raising children. In being a woman. In being a friend. And those difficult decisions that come my way – I go back to her words of encouragement.
When I read other post or articles on women who lost their mothers – and they find it hard to celebrate Mother’s Day without their mother – I do understand the emptiness and sadness. But I do have my mother with me. She gave me the gift of life. And so, I feel my mother in my heart, my soul, in the very core of who I am. It took a lot of maturing for me to come to this stage in my life. There were times my mother and I were two rams on a mountain going in for the hit. But we came out even stronger. As I experienced that mountain with my own teens – I felt her by my side.
I recently was given this quote from a friend.
“Mothers and Daughters are closest, when Daughters become Mothers” ~unknown
Thank you to my mother.
Happy Mother’s Day ~